My parents raised me Roman Catholic, which meant church every Sunday and observing Lent, a 46-day sojourn of penance and deprivation. Normally, I’d go 46 days without candy, ice cream, pizza or, the worst thing, television. It never really worked because I’d always find a loophole.
The idea of Lent is to make you appreciate the sacrifices that others have done for you, by doing so yourself. When you are 8 years old, that’s a hard concept to understand. Now, however, I get it. So for this year’s Lent, here are five cars that I’m giving up for the duration.
On Easter, March 27th, I’ll be able to finally appreciate these cars for what they truly are.
Dodge Charger Hellcat
Basically it’s the devil in “cat” form. It’s a direct descendant from Hell. So, I think it’s a good one to give up for Lent. My mom would be proud.
2016 Mazda Miata
If the Hellcat is the devil, than the Mazda Miata is an Archangel. It’s a love letter sent to enthusiasts directly from Mazda. Just a delicate, balanced, enjoyable car. And anything you enjoy in life, needs to be given up for Lent. Sorry, Miata.
2016 Mustang GT350R
If God had a voice, it would be the exhaust sound from the Mustang GT350R. Holy-moly. The 5.2-liter flat plane crank engine (handbuilt in Detroit) exhaust note can make your knees weak. Yea, it’s that good.
Tesla Model S P90D
The Tesla Model S P90D is eye-popping fast, literally it will put your eyeballs in the back of your head. The best part is it doesn’t use any gasoline, only electrons. So why should I give it up? Well, it’s the best electric car on the market and that can’t be ignored. And the “D” stands for devil, I think.
Toyota Previa All-Trac (My Minivan)
You are giving up a minivan? Well, it’s my minivan and I like to talk about my minivan. If you are buying a minivan this is the one to buy. Forget the new Chrysler Pacifica and buy a mid-engine, supercharged, all-wheel-drive Toyota Previa. But not until Lent is over.
There are my five cars that I’m giving up for Lent. Think I can do it? Well seeing how I don’t really own any of those cars (except the van), it should be doable.
I can’t wait till Easter morning when I have a Dodge Hellcat sitting in my driveway, with its 707 horsepower engine snarling and barking like it was sent from Hell.