Here at the RFD headquarters, we are snow experts. Our training spans from the hills of New Jersey, to rally cross racing a BRZ on ICE. The RFD staff has been through several “Snowpocalyspes,” and we are here to help. Follow our tips so you don’t end up like this cop stuck on a hill, or watch this video from the Philadelphia Police Department for your SNOWPOCALYPSE entertainment to stay safe.
**Disclaimer: we are in no way responsible for your safety if you choose to follow the actions of this article. How’s that to lead off an article?**
RFD’s Pro Tips To Surviving A Snowpocalypse
- PANIC: First thing you should do is freak out. What is better than 24 inches of snow? A whole city of people in a panic.
- ORGANIC FOOD: Buy it by the truckload. Bring your lifted truck to the local organic grocery and BUY everything in sight. You never know when you’ll need that organic GMO-free, dairy-free, soy-free, reduced fat tempeh bacon. Stock up essentials: ivory soap, seven-grain tortillas, organic sorbetto, wrapping paper, cold-pressed olive oil and most important napkins.
- DRIVE EVERYWHERE: Head out for a spin to see what is going on. Check out how many people have been in accidents. Bring the children along too, you never want to miss an important teaching opportunity.
- LIFTED TRUCK AND SUV DRIVERS SPEED UP: Physics explains when you’re in a Super-duty-duly-extended-cab-lifted pick-up, snow can’t stop you. So keep driving faster. Ice can’t hold a lifted truck back. Lifted trucks don’t know what snow is.
- DON’T CLEAR THE SNOW OFF YOUR CAR: Seriously, who has the time? Does it matter it will fly off into other cars on the highway? No. Do you think I can reach the top of my lifted truck? Heck no.
- SNOW TRUCKS, PASS THEM! There is nothing more annoying then a snow truck in the fast lane trying to block you on your way to your favorite organic grocery store. Pass that sucker in your lifted super-duty. Show those snow trucks who should really be plowing the roads.
- ALL-SEASON TIRES WORN-OUT? No worries, snow can’t stop an all-wheel-drive Excursions. Better yet, put on that sticky R-compound rubber you’ve been saving for track days. You’ll need the performance to pass those slow snow trucks.
- TAILGATE THE CAR IN-FRONT OF YOU: You’ll want to see if the person in-front of you needs your help. You can also improve your gas mileage by drafting behind them. Plus, you might even be able to steal some heat, extending the life of your radiator. Win-win.
- HEADLIGHTS: Don’t turn them on, conserve your battery and alternator. In a SNOWPOCALYPSE you want to be the last person on the road. Heck, following our tips you’ll be the only person on the road.
And the Most Important Tip of All
- IGNORE OUR TIPS: In all seriousness, be SAFE! Drive safely. When it snows, it is not a time to mess around and see how great your car is in the snow. The RFD team wants you to keep enjoying our articles and this can’t be done if you’re not safe during a SNOWPOCALYPSE.